England's Number 1

I spent this unexpectedly sunny August bank holiday monday at the opening of The Football Academy in Loughton, Essex, a new facility combining football training for youngsters, 5-a-side competitions for all ages, and swish bar, restaurant, fitness and beauty facilities.

But before you assume I'm on the payroll and am engaging in some shameless plugging, the real highlight was seeing Spurs and England goalkeeper Paul Robinson in the flesh, who conducted the official opening. The big guy himself is apparently an investor in the place and devoted a good few hours signing autographs and meeting the locals. Of course, I was there to see my girlfriend who was working on front-of-house for the owners, and meeting Robbo was a happy bonus...

Unfortunately, I didn't get the chance for a picture with the man himself, but I did get my programme autographed and my missus managed to have a quick chat with him about the temperate weather and how it has reached "Pimm's o'clock". Not one to get starstruck, my better half.

Molson lager, clean air, moose, mounted police, bears...

As the list of somewhat stereotypical cultural icons suggests, I'm going to Canada. My girlfriend and I have just had our jobs confirmed, have booked flights, and are within a few weeks of getting our visas. It's all terrifically exciting.

We'll be in Whistler for 5 months, working in retail and skiing at the weekend. But for all the anticipation of such a great opportunity, and at the risk of sounding like a ungrateful pessimist, I can't help but note the things I'll miss while I'm away.

1. The bulk of the football season Spurs didn't exactly make a brilliant start to the current campaign, and the joy at winning 4-0 at home to Derby evaporated with this business about a certain "dizzying offer" made to Juande Ramos to take over as coach. Keeping up with the week's games with an 8 hour headstart will be bearable, but less then ideal.
   
2. Christmas at home My parents have said they're planning on visiting us over Christmas, which will be most peculiar given the well-established routine of that time of year for our family, but then again it'll be an excuse to devour something other than turkey on the 25th. However the extravagant price of seasonal flights and hotel rooms may well scupper their plans.
   
3. Warm, real beer and ale Sort of self-explanatory. I'll have to develop a taste for cold lager again.
   
4. The British winter This may seem odd, but by my logic we've already had the winter weather 6 months early, so come December it should be all sun cream, shorts and ice cream vans on the road until 9.30 in the evening. Mark my words.
   
5. People not speaking French We'll be a long way from Quebec, the francophile hub of the country, but surely there's some bilingualism everywhere out there?

If anyone else cares to remind me of anything I'll be without while I'm away, feel free.

'Driving' whilst intoxicated (the puns write themselves)

Breaking news: Bill Murray has been accused of drink-driving. In a golf cart. In Stockholm. You just couldn't make it up, could you? See here for the story.

Most people would take this as a sign that the great man is going off the rails, taking leave of his senses, losing his marbles even. For me, its just further proof (if such proof were needed) that the guy is nothing short of a complete genius.

As yet, reports do not suggest his Caddy(shack) was with him at the time of the incident. Please add your own puns via the 'comments' function.

Are friends eclectic?

I was watching the lunchtime news today, and there was a light-hearted but very thought-provoking story about philosopher and writer Theodore Zeldin, who has decide to throw a party for his 74th birthday. But the only people welcome are complete strangers. Rather than an imaginative attempt to remove the dreaded problem of gatecrashers, the idea is to interrogate the concept of friendship. The news report’s angle was that between the ages of 20 and 40, each and every one of us will lose (on average) 1 friend per year, and so Zeldin’s party was presented something or a response to this aspect of our lifestyles.

I, like a lot people, add a new friend on Facebook fairly regularly and as such should actually have plenty more this time next year than I do now. Of course such statistics do nothing to clarify the issue, and the meaning of the word ‘friend’ used in a real-world sense varies wildly from the same term on the net. The report even went so far as to attribute some of the blame for the shift on our technology-reliant society, which allows freer and easier means of communication but might actually have the net effect of stifling our discursive instincts.

While acquaintances come and go, and only certain people earn true ‘friend’ status, Zeldin’s idea cheered me nonetheless. Its always heartening to meet complete strangers with whom you appear to click, and whereas in our society and others like it this kind of occurrence is often seen as the source of potential romantic attachments rather than platonic ones, the idea of meeting a perfect stranger and becoming friends is a great one. It happens when you move away to university, for example, and my girlfriend and I anticipate meeting some great people when we spend a winter season in Canada this year (and we’ve already begun chatting via, you guessed it, Facebook).

Zeldin’s most famous work discusses the changing shape of human friendship over the ages, and he is concerned with the need for real conversation as the biggest problem pressing humanity. I for one will be ringing a few of my mates later today, probably just before the England match - although not for any specific reason, just to shoot the breeze for the sake of it.

The Chairman's Curse strikes again

Although I may have omitted it from my profile information, I'm a big Tottenham Hostpur fan. So it was with a combination of dismay and disappointment that I read of our much-loved, big Dutch bear of a manager Martin Jol being given the dreaded 'vote of confidence' by our erstwhile sensible-seeming chairman Dan Levy. The BBC sports site describes it thus.

A friend of mine (who shall remain anonymous) is currently doing some work experience at White Hart Lane, and is privy to some serious insider information. According to my source, Jol is already halfway out of the door, with touted replacement Sevilla coasch Juande Ramos having already visited the club. I don't know if I believe this, or whether I even want to admit I do, but it does seem unlikely. Nonetheless, managers who are given the backing of the board do have a nasty habit of letting the door hit them on the arse on their way out mere weeks later.

I hereby plead to the club's powers-that-be to allow Jol to stay AT LEAST until the end of the season to see what he can achieve with the backing of every right-minded Spurs fan and nigh on £40m-worth of new players (once they're all fit, of course). Then, and only then, should the club contemplate giving such a legend his marching orders.

If I were a cartoon character, I'd probably look like...

Apologies to anyone who's already familiar with the Simpsonizing and South Park-izing sites. For your amusement, here's what I'd look like if I was a resident of Springfield and South Park, Denver respectively
Next time: what I'd look like if I lived in Bagdhad, Iraq and Helmand Province, Afghanistan. Maybe.

Blogging for the unintiated

This is something of a landmark for me. I consider myself fairly internet-savvy, having been online for around 7 or 8 years now. But until a few days ago I hadn't even considered writing a blog. 'What have I got to offer the world?' I asked myself. 'Nothing', myself answered almost immediately. But then again, I realised, that simple fact doesn't stop most people.

So here we are. Enjoy. I will, seeing as I revel in expectorating to the world the random stuff that floats through my cerebrum on a roughly daily basis. I promise to make it as interesting as possible, but I'm also not to blame is nothing happens to me for a while. In such an event, I'll have to call on my imagination (periods of time which shall hereafter be referred to collectively as 'The Dark Days').

I should also mention that this is as much an exercise in discipling myself as it is for my (surely, hoards of) readers. I plan to enter a career in journalism, and have been prompted more

by fright than anything else to become a habitual scribbler given my lack of relevant experience and published material. How long it'll last is anyone's guess, but I'm optimistic.

Finally, thanks be to Will Nichols (do check out his excellent blog) for his guidance and encouragement. Will is far cooler than I and much more up on this new media, breaking down the barriers of communication stuff than I am, so I'm very glad to count myself as one of his mates. Will, when I'm music editor of The Times you wont be forgotten. Honest.